done with it

this is so damn hard to keep in. it really is.

but i've been in an internship program for almost four months now and life has been hell since i started it. the best way to describe it is that i feel like i'm trapped inside a huge black blob that doesn't have an opening. it sucks so much. i hate it. i literally only like two or three people from work but who the f_ am i kidding? even that isn't a good reason to stay. i already got what i needed. i got what i want from that stupid place and i don't want to do anything else with them anymore. f_ this. okay, why does life have to be such an awful piece of crap most of the time? i don't want to lose my ground on my faith. believe me. but this is a different case. i don't know if this is a mid-life crisis or there's more harder problems but shit. sorry. life's a piece of awful shit right now. i literally just want to leave this stupid ass job and start to live my life the way i want it to be. because ever since i was born, it felt as if i am a remote-controlled car that my every move was controlled by a different person. and just like any other toy car that moved, i reached my breaking point. and i'm very static. i'm no longer in the mood to move according to whoever tells me to move. 

can i just have a life of my own? i don't mean that i want everybody else i love to leave but for goodness's sake, can i just be trusted enough to start living and pursue my dreams? i'm so done with this bullshit. honestly. i'm praying so hard that these bad words i'm spewing would be soon forgiven but gawd. all i want to do is leave this "job" earlier than expected and graduate and get a f_ing life of my own. gah damn.

F IT

Basing stuff on my previous blogs, I have a tendency to rant a lot. I absolutely hate a lot of things and I always choose to dish em all out on social media as an anonymous blogger. I work better behind the scenes and if you figure out my college program, you would be shocked at where I am. That's for a different blog post.

I have been doing a lot of stuff that I wouldn't normally do. Things I need to do fir work and all. I'm an introvert which gives  you a clue on things I'm uncomfortable doing. But scratch these stupid remarks. This post is about friends, or whatever you'd call em.

Over the past few years, I figured that I work better when I'm alone. Not in the presence of as*h*les. But college taught me that people can be awful, too. I have people I'm close with that I am just certain talk behind my back. Which, I understand. It's just that I don't deserve the sh** they throw at me. They're all shady about this but I'm just too caring that I always end up giving a damn. I hate them all.

For projects, I'm always the one thinking. And two of them are on their phones fu**ing screaming for these disgusting, trying hard artists. I am done. In a month, we go back to school and I am literally handling things alone. I don't want to deal with people who are this awful. Who don't even know what they want in life. I just want to throw them all in a pit and let their damaged souls talk to each other as I stay in my world of serenity.

f it. Y'all don't deserve knowing anything about me. You are nothing but a bunch of careless losers that need to be going through rehab for your bad souls. f off.

gtfoutta my life.