this is so damn hard to keep in. it really is.
but i've been in an internship program for almost four months now and life has been hell since i started it. the best way to describe it is that i feel like i'm trapped inside a huge black blob that doesn't have an opening. it sucks so much. i hate it. i literally only like two or three people from work but who the f_ am i kidding? even that isn't a good reason to stay. i already got what i needed. i got what i want from that stupid place and i don't want to do anything else with them anymore. f_ this. okay, why does life have to be such an awful piece of crap most of the time? i don't want to lose my ground on my faith. believe me. but this is a different case. i don't know if this is a mid-life crisis or there's more harder problems but shit. sorry. life's a piece of awful shit right now. i literally just want to leave this stupid ass job and start to live my life the way i want it to be. because ever since i was born, it felt as if i am a remote-controlled car that my every move was controlled by a different person. and just like any other toy car that moved, i reached my breaking point. and i'm very static. i'm no longer in the mood to move according to whoever tells me to move.
can i just have a life of my own? i don't mean that i want everybody else i love to leave but for goodness's sake, can i just be trusted enough to start living and pursue my dreams? i'm so done with this bullshit. honestly. i'm praying so hard that these bad words i'm spewing would be soon forgiven but gawd. all i want to do is leave this "job" earlier than expected and graduate and get a f_ing life of my own. gah damn.